In The Black
Sometimes I could swear I was manic depressive...my mood swings are so high and so low...and you poor readers get the brunt of it because, depending on where I am at when I open up this laptop to blog, you get lambasted with my massive heart on my even bigger sleeve.
Well, tonight, in this moment, I am feeling good and so I am going to go with it, for your sake. Plenty of scrumptious morsels stick out to me in this moment of smiles...let's see...there is the simple things like the hot shower I just took scrubbing myself with my new Body Scrub. It is a hoot to be sitting here in my bed smelling like a big ol' sugary fig and it reminds me of us girlz going shopping on Tuesday which was lots of fun. Another simple thing that I have loved since I was a little girl...the sound of the rain on the window. Sure, I could bitch because it is June and it is raining, but I love the sound, especially when I am snuggled up all cozy.
Then there are the bigger things like my accomplishments at work today. I attacked once again the website and learned all sorts of yummy things. Glen's help on Tuesday was priceless and gentle and reminded me just how much I miss staying up until the wee small hours hunched over a laptop while some fabulous man teaches me...thanks, Glen. Tonight, though, I was one my own and I replaced images by updating Photoshop docs and reslicing them accurately and creating all new pages from scratch...it is so rewarding. I stayed at the office until 11pm with pleasure. There is so much to learn and I can't get enough. I have even created this imaginary jordan friend who helps me out with the problem solving. He looks like Jo and talks like Jo and we laugh together like Jo and I might have back in the day and he nudges me in the right direction when I am faced with a website riddle. Imaginary Jo still loves me and hangs out with me and guides me and never talks about just wanting to be friends. I LOVE IMAGINARY JO and I thank him, too, for being my ghost instructor.
Oh, and this book I am reading...while we are on the subject of my obsessive disability to let go of my relationship...needs to be noted. Written by the same authors as "He's Just Not That Into You", this book entitled, "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken - The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy" is utterly fantastic. I have only ready the first 30 pages or so, but I have burst into tears about four times already and into laughter about eighteen. It is like the authors have been watching all the pathetic things that I have been doing and are decribing them in detail...I am searching for quotes to type here from the book, but really, I would have to basically retype the book from start to finish. Oh, here's a quick one: "Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit." Yup, lovin' this book.
Also, lovin' these awesome emails that keep comin' at me from the men in my life. Today's was from a man that I have actually never met in person, but maybe because we have so many mutual friends, we feel like we know each other. Plus, we have talked alot via email and chat...anyway, Mr. Hughes emails me this inspirational email about how his life was in the dumper three years ago and how, now, he is livin' the good life. The part that I loved, though, was this: "BTW... I refuse to believe that a minor setback like this will hold you down for too long. You’re Krista J. Konkin for crying out loud!!!!!!!" It was his P.S. to me and I have to say it made me laugh and shake my head. From a man who has never actually met me comes a belief in the greatness of who and what I am...bizarre but beautiful. Too bad this man has fallen in love again, I might just have to hunt him down and marry him.
To top it all off, I have a birthday parcel waiting for me at home and an unwatched epidsode of One Tree Hill to watch. I was only bitten three times on one wrist this week and I think my gig on Saturday is going to be tons of fun. These elusive moments of happiness don't come too frequently so when they do, I thank God. Imagine feeling this way every day, all the time...?...
Ok, one more quote from the book to end the night:
" "But some things can be fixed," you say.True, but can your relationship be fixed? Anything is possible, but we'd say probably not. Generally, if one person thinks that the breakup is the right more, they're probably right even if it feels so wrong. Because unless there are two people putting on their coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn't going to happen. Need more convincing? How about this: The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven and they're not worth donning coveralls for. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears."
A-freakin'-men, sis-tah, a-freakin'-men.
Well, tonight, in this moment, I am feeling good and so I am going to go with it, for your sake. Plenty of scrumptious morsels stick out to me in this moment of smiles...let's see...there is the simple things like the hot shower I just took scrubbing myself with my new Body Scrub. It is a hoot to be sitting here in my bed smelling like a big ol' sugary fig and it reminds me of us girlz going shopping on Tuesday which was lots of fun. Another simple thing that I have loved since I was a little girl...the sound of the rain on the window. Sure, I could bitch because it is June and it is raining, but I love the sound, especially when I am snuggled up all cozy.
Then there are the bigger things like my accomplishments at work today. I attacked once again the website and learned all sorts of yummy things. Glen's help on Tuesday was priceless and gentle and reminded me just how much I miss staying up until the wee small hours hunched over a laptop while some fabulous man teaches me...thanks, Glen. Tonight, though, I was one my own and I replaced images by updating Photoshop docs and reslicing them accurately and creating all new pages from scratch...it is so rewarding. I stayed at the office until 11pm with pleasure. There is so much to learn and I can't get enough. I have even created this imaginary jordan friend who helps me out with the problem solving. He looks like Jo and talks like Jo and we laugh together like Jo and I might have back in the day and he nudges me in the right direction when I am faced with a website riddle. Imaginary Jo still loves me and hangs out with me and guides me and never talks about just wanting to be friends. I LOVE IMAGINARY JO and I thank him, too, for being my ghost instructor.
Oh, and this book I am reading...while we are on the subject of my obsessive disability to let go of my relationship...needs to be noted. Written by the same authors as "He's Just Not That Into You", this book entitled, "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken - The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy" is utterly fantastic. I have only ready the first 30 pages or so, but I have burst into tears about four times already and into laughter about eighteen. It is like the authors have been watching all the pathetic things that I have been doing and are decribing them in detail...I am searching for quotes to type here from the book, but really, I would have to basically retype the book from start to finish. Oh, here's a quick one: "Even with all the mayonnaise in the world, you can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit." Yup, lovin' this book.
Also, lovin' these awesome emails that keep comin' at me from the men in my life. Today's was from a man that I have actually never met in person, but maybe because we have so many mutual friends, we feel like we know each other. Plus, we have talked alot via email and chat...anyway, Mr. Hughes emails me this inspirational email about how his life was in the dumper three years ago and how, now, he is livin' the good life. The part that I loved, though, was this: "BTW... I refuse to believe that a minor setback like this will hold you down for too long. You’re Krista J. Konkin for crying out loud!!!!!!!" It was his P.S. to me and I have to say it made me laugh and shake my head. From a man who has never actually met me comes a belief in the greatness of who and what I am...bizarre but beautiful. Too bad this man has fallen in love again, I might just have to hunt him down and marry him.
To top it all off, I have a birthday parcel waiting for me at home and an unwatched epidsode of One Tree Hill to watch. I was only bitten three times on one wrist this week and I think my gig on Saturday is going to be tons of fun. These elusive moments of happiness don't come too frequently so when they do, I thank God. Imagine feeling this way every day, all the time...?...
Ok, one more quote from the book to end the night:
" "But some things can be fixed," you say.True, but can your relationship be fixed? Anything is possible, but we'd say probably not. Generally, if one person thinks that the breakup is the right more, they're probably right even if it feels so wrong. Because unless there are two people putting on their coveralls and getting down in the trenches with some duct tape and superglue and a fierce determination, it isn't going to happen. Need more convincing? How about this: The person you loved took a good long look at the awesomeness that is you, evaluated your relationship together, and said, "No, thanks. I'll try my luck elsewhere." Or you said it to him. Either way, that alone should make you realize that it wasn't a match made in heaven and they're not worth donning coveralls for. Anyone who assesses you or your relationship as disposable is not worthy of your time or tears."
A-freakin'-men, sis-tah, a-freakin'-men.
posted by KJ Konkin at 11:13 PM
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