Reinventing Pink
Haven't slept or eaten much of anything in almost 14 days.
Went to Wreck beach today and laid my pain down in the sun.
Of course, that beach made me think of Him
Surrounded by friends I lay still and didn't die.
That's gotta count for something.
Wept at the Centre this morning.
Jen's hand on my back willed me to Let Go and Wail
I could not
Make that kind of spectacle.
Looked Up through tears and all this Love stared back.
Leora winked at me as she sang.
John's steady stare softened the sting.
Ruth's email later that day declaring that I, Krista,
Have Reinvented Pink.
Chip telling me to breathe.
My mother, on Mother's Day, being a Mom.
My Doctor friend wanting to help,
To Prescribe me sleeping pills.
Her brother
Once a sullen teen
A Man telling me that I looked good.
Taking the stairs
Home again
Liking the physical pain of the climb
Hardly noticing as I wondered what He was doing
Giving Him my power
Trying to forgive myself for it.
Meeting 22 year olds who have looked
Cancer in the face
Watching how they embrace life
Stomache cramping
Wishing for a miracle
Hoping for a miracle
Waiting for a miracle
Went to Wreck beach today and laid my pain down in the sun.
Of course, that beach made me think of Him
Surrounded by friends I lay still and didn't die.
That's gotta count for something.
Wept at the Centre this morning.
Jen's hand on my back willed me to Let Go and Wail
I could not
Make that kind of spectacle.
Looked Up through tears and all this Love stared back.
Leora winked at me as she sang.
John's steady stare softened the sting.
Ruth's email later that day declaring that I, Krista,
Have Reinvented Pink.
Chip telling me to breathe.
My mother, on Mother's Day, being a Mom.
My Doctor friend wanting to help,
To Prescribe me sleeping pills.
Her brother
Once a sullen teen
A Man telling me that I looked good.
Taking the stairs
Home again
Liking the physical pain of the climb
Hardly noticing as I wondered what He was doing
Giving Him my power
Trying to forgive myself for it.
Meeting 22 year olds who have looked
Cancer in the face
Watching how they embrace life
Stomache cramping
Wishing for a miracle
Hoping for a miracle
Waiting for a miracle
posted by KJ Konkin at 7:25 PM
1 Comments:
Dear Krista,
You haven't used up all your chances...though I can't lie that until you find the next 'He'/'Him'...its gonna feel like that. And its gonna be there and slowly wear off, but be there until it happens.
Nobody, especially those who know loss all to well, which unfortunately seems to be a lot of us...can tell you its going to be ok. We will and we mean it, and hope it is tomorrow that 'ok' comes..but we know that its going to take a while. The best we can do is what you do for us when we're waiting for 'it' to just go away or for him/her to fade from out hearts...its just be there for you. I don't have any answers, no matter how similar our dating lives have been in a way...we both live and love with it all out there...all in the hands of this other person to do with as they may. Stupid...maybe...maybe its this society of couples...if you're not in one, you're not normal so go out there, settle and find someone who 'will do'. But you and I and the many of us who know you, know you don't deserve..just someone. And no matter what this means to you now as I know whenever someone tells me Susan was just someone...she was...and is. I don't always know that, a year and half later...but i know it more than i did then...or a month ago, or yesterday.
I have no false ideas of hope that love will come soon and pain will leave soon, i can only offer you my phone calls you're never around for and hope that they offer some sense that we ALL care about you...we're not filler for the hole in your heart...but hopefully with all of us that love you...we're that section right next to that hole that will eventually swell up and close the hole to nothing.
I love you buddy, and I don't wish this pain on you or anyone...I know what i went/go thru...i don't know what you're going thru, but anytime you want...i'm willing to listen to it...
Love your hemmorhoid
Darryl
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