Two Months Later...
It is May 1st...almost 2 months since I last blogged. These two months have been a roller coaster of life changing events for me and It has felt like being without my right hand to not blog about it. But I meant it when I said that being on my website makes me nauseous, so I stayed away and figured maybe it was okay to be going through some of my big decisions privately. Tonight, though, another break through occurred and I knew that even if it was going back to good 'ol blogger.com, I needed to start living out loud again. So here I am. Hello. It's been awhile.
First off, for those of you who really freaked out over my last blog entry entitled The End, please know that I am okay. You were witnessing the darkest days of my life as of yet and, yes, they did rattle my core. But with the love of my mother and my family and my other less-blood-related family (aka:friends) I somehow got through it. I stayed in Vancouver, I repainted the apartment and I got a great job on Pender Island. I stopped the Real Estate thing which was not making me happy and by the end of the month thought I would evolve up a notch on the Consciousness ladder and try to let Jordan back into my life in whatever way was possible. By April my life was looking up. Way up.
It is now May and I can tell you that I am glad that I made all the decisions I did even though the last decision, to allow Jordan into my life, crashed and burned. In fact, tonight, writing this, I can finally say that I have found my Anger about the SHITTY way I have been jacked around and I actually sort of hate him. He has led me on time and time again only to yank himself away and remind me that his actions speak nothing of his true feelings. He has even done this yanking trick post-break up and I allowed it. I laid myself down on the ground like a silly doormat and begged 'please walk on me'. Now, Jordan has met another girl (surprise, surprise, surprise) and I have decided it is the last insult. If he wants to be with another girl then he does not get to string me along side to watch.
From this moment on, i say JORDAN WHO?
Other than my intimate rage in this regard, I am pretty happy with my life. I am starting to grow back the spine that had seemed to turn to jelly over the last year. I love the Island and this new job that gives me the chance to make music and take walks and work without being stressed. My friends have shown up 100% the last 60 days and I have fallen in love with all of them in a deep and profound way. My apartment is lovely (other than the invisible bugs in my bed that keep biting me??!?) and I am making money again. It has been hard to be alone in this space, but I am coping. One day I hope to wake up and feel blessed again to be single.
Until then, I just keep picking up pieces of my broken heart and celebrate everything that this ending has brought me...
...which is, of course...a beginning.
First off, for those of you who really freaked out over my last blog entry entitled The End, please know that I am okay. You were witnessing the darkest days of my life as of yet and, yes, they did rattle my core. But with the love of my mother and my family and my other less-blood-related family (aka:friends) I somehow got through it. I stayed in Vancouver, I repainted the apartment and I got a great job on Pender Island. I stopped the Real Estate thing which was not making me happy and by the end of the month thought I would evolve up a notch on the Consciousness ladder and try to let Jordan back into my life in whatever way was possible. By April my life was looking up. Way up.
It is now May and I can tell you that I am glad that I made all the decisions I did even though the last decision, to allow Jordan into my life, crashed and burned. In fact, tonight, writing this, I can finally say that I have found my Anger about the SHITTY way I have been jacked around and I actually sort of hate him. He has led me on time and time again only to yank himself away and remind me that his actions speak nothing of his true feelings. He has even done this yanking trick post-break up and I allowed it. I laid myself down on the ground like a silly doormat and begged 'please walk on me'. Now, Jordan has met another girl (surprise, surprise, surprise) and I have decided it is the last insult. If he wants to be with another girl then he does not get to string me along side to watch.
From this moment on, i say JORDAN WHO?
Other than my intimate rage in this regard, I am pretty happy with my life. I am starting to grow back the spine that had seemed to turn to jelly over the last year. I love the Island and this new job that gives me the chance to make music and take walks and work without being stressed. My friends have shown up 100% the last 60 days and I have fallen in love with all of them in a deep and profound way. My apartment is lovely (other than the invisible bugs in my bed that keep biting me??!?) and I am making money again. It has been hard to be alone in this space, but I am coping. One day I hope to wake up and feel blessed again to be single.
Until then, I just keep picking up pieces of my broken heart and celebrate everything that this ending has brought me...
...which is, of course...a beginning.
posted by KJ Konkin at 1:28 AM
3 Comments:
Nice to see you back :)
Brava! That's my Sis!
RE: your rage: This gives me a bit of insight into MY ex's state of mind. Hell Hath No Fury...
i'm glad you're well. continue the healing! :)
luvs,
adrienne :)
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