Teeter Totter
Moments of joy popping up through heaps of crap...like daffodils in manure.
Joy Moment: Getting on the ferry last night to come back to Pender, I suddenly felt like I was escaping the pain, duping it - heehee you can't catch me! The sun was setting and the water was calm and as the ferry pulled out I decided to sit on the deck and play Danny Boy on my tinwhistle. Since I am not very good yet on the tinwhistle this took my entire focus...which was hard with such a magnificent sunset occuring. There I was on the Pacific with no one else around and this yearning melody floating out into nowhere and a sky so alive that I could feel it touch my face and for a moment I forgot. It was then that I looked up and this handsome stranger was standing next to me. "I haven't heard one of those since I was a boy," he said to me in a thick Irish accent and I started to laugh and blush and hide my tinwhistle. He was smiling at me from ear to ear and he was about my age and he was beautiful. SAY SOMETHING BACK, I willed myself. "Would you like to try it?" I asked. "No, no," he replied, "keep playing, it sounded lovely." Then, as the sun set behind him he stood there and stared at me for a few more seconds and I simply could not make any more words come out of my mouth. "It was nice meeting you" I heard him say finally, reluctantly and then, he was gone.
Gone.
Ok, well, maybe not Gone with a capital G, but he had stepped out of this daffodil moment and into the ferry cabin and the moment passed. I could go in and still introduce myself, I knew. But somehow with the passing of the moment came and overwhelming heave of pain and a slow exhalation. I could have ran after him, but I did not. Why? Because I am shy and suck at talking to gorgeous men who are strangers. Because I feel unable to take any risk of rejection after how hugely I have been rejected. But mostly because I am not ready. Not yet. Because It was a perfect moment exactly as it was and I was content to leave it as that. Perfect.
Thank you, Irish stranger. Thank you for approaching me at sunset to the tune of Danny Boy while we floated on the ocean and for staring at me and my song like we were beautiful angels. The way you looked at me, the way you smiled, the way you kept looking...all of it reminded me...
... that one day HTSNBN will stop being inside my every thought, hope, breath and I will love again.
Not a bad daffodil for all this manure.
Joy Moment: Getting on the ferry last night to come back to Pender, I suddenly felt like I was escaping the pain, duping it - heehee you can't catch me! The sun was setting and the water was calm and as the ferry pulled out I decided to sit on the deck and play Danny Boy on my tinwhistle. Since I am not very good yet on the tinwhistle this took my entire focus...which was hard with such a magnificent sunset occuring. There I was on the Pacific with no one else around and this yearning melody floating out into nowhere and a sky so alive that I could feel it touch my face and for a moment I forgot. It was then that I looked up and this handsome stranger was standing next to me. "I haven't heard one of those since I was a boy," he said to me in a thick Irish accent and I started to laugh and blush and hide my tinwhistle. He was smiling at me from ear to ear and he was about my age and he was beautiful. SAY SOMETHING BACK, I willed myself. "Would you like to try it?" I asked. "No, no," he replied, "keep playing, it sounded lovely." Then, as the sun set behind him he stood there and stared at me for a few more seconds and I simply could not make any more words come out of my mouth. "It was nice meeting you" I heard him say finally, reluctantly and then, he was gone.
Gone.
Ok, well, maybe not Gone with a capital G, but he had stepped out of this daffodil moment and into the ferry cabin and the moment passed. I could go in and still introduce myself, I knew. But somehow with the passing of the moment came and overwhelming heave of pain and a slow exhalation. I could have ran after him, but I did not. Why? Because I am shy and suck at talking to gorgeous men who are strangers. Because I feel unable to take any risk of rejection after how hugely I have been rejected. But mostly because I am not ready. Not yet. Because It was a perfect moment exactly as it was and I was content to leave it as that. Perfect.
Thank you, Irish stranger. Thank you for approaching me at sunset to the tune of Danny Boy while we floated on the ocean and for staring at me and my song like we were beautiful angels. The way you looked at me, the way you smiled, the way you kept looking...all of it reminded me...
... that one day HTSNBN will stop being inside my every thought, hope, breath and I will love again.
Not a bad daffodil for all this manure.
posted by KJ Konkin at 12:23 AM
2 Comments:
This is the kind of experience that makes some people believe in angels.
In my mind, the Handsome Irish Stranger looks like Gabriel Byrne. First name fits, anyway!
I am, still, overwhelmed at your eloquence and honesty. You can't know how often you've been a daffodil in others' manure...
Here is to a summer filled with beautiful strangers, daffodils, Target, and much-needed escape. MWAH!
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